Politely Saying No

The cluster focuses on advice and debates about effectively rejecting requests or saying 'no' in professional and social contexts, emphasizing directness over passive-aggressive responses.

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#4183
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Keywords

OK en.m JRE SRO VC wikipedia.org politely fax passive aggressive person position rubber dumb signal peaceful

Sample Comments

yooni0422 Sep 5, 2025 View on HN

what can you do to stop it from overly agreeing with you? any tactics that worked?

somewhatbetter Aug 23, 2021 View on HN

Stop being passive-aggressive and explain what you wanted to say, maybe you will notice you are wrong.

piva00 Mar 7, 2019 View on HN

Still an asshole passive-aggressive move, for a few years now I just learned to say "I'm sorry, I can't take a look" in an assertive but friendly tone, no one pushed it further and I don't have to be acting all bitchy because I didn't stand up for myself.I recommend this approach much more.

stalfosknight Jan 22, 2025 View on HN

What's wrong with just saying "no"?

fencepost Jul 17, 2019 View on HN

"OK, thanks." then go back to whatever else you were doing. Your example at least makes it sound like this person is actually seeking a confrontation of some sort, so just remove that as an option.Alternately, "let me know when you decide how to handle it."Or maybe that person is using you for rubber duck debugging[0] and you're not fulfilling your part, in which case buy him a rubber duck.[0] <a href="https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_d

magic_beans May 24, 2017 View on HN

Why not just say a firm "no"!

corobo Oct 18, 2020 View on HN

See that leading with a "No." thereThat's what we're talking about. I hope you don't have direct reports.Next time be honest "Just shut the conversation down, everyone's a dumbass, I'm right, you're dumb" it'll be quicker than all this back and forth actually trying to get to a stable middle ground :)

tptacek Jun 22, 2011 View on HN

Friendly advice: get better at saying "no".

cle May 21, 2019 View on HN

Ugh this is such passive aggressive behavior. Just tell him no, and why, so he can communicate clearly with his customer.

daenz Dec 28, 2011 View on HN

He said he'd prefer not to. There's no harm in my gentle persuasion. If you're getting frustrated at a natural human interaction, maybe you need to step back and figure out a better way to handle that frustration.