Childhood Abuse Trauma

"When I was your age I got whooped all the time and I came out alright" says the parent who did not come out alright, left with an internalized belief that abusing children is totally fine.

> “well that’s how my parents did it and I’m fine.”Broadly speaking, I've noticed a couple of different responses to going through an extended bad experience over which one has no control (for example, a shitty childhood).Upon reaching adulthood, one response is to say, "Wow, that really sucked, I will take steps to avoid ever having to experience that again, nor visit it on my children/partner/loved ones".Another (probably more common) response is to say, &q

in my opinion, nothing. it's not that bad if you think about what else could be happening.They may have suffered major emotional abuse from a parent and won't be able to correct those flaws easily.

The scariest thing about having abusive parents is that you end up becoming like them. It took me many years to understand why my relationships would all fail. In hindsight, I was emotionally abusive to a lot of my partners. I will not offer an apology for it, as that just feels hollow and empty. All I can say is that I am trying to be better.

This hit too close to home that I couldn't finish reading it in a sitting. I had to walk around my apartment a couple of times waiting to relax before coming back to my computer.I have blanks in my memories too, where my dad told me he hit me (he apologized for it, like in OP). And I remember nothing after "the triggering incident", like in OP.I also have very bad trust issues now, to the point where it is hard for me to make friends if they insist on having opinions on my l

Check out CPTSD (Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) and Childhood Emotional Neglect. What you describe is very common in people who were emotionally neglected or mistreated as children.

Sorry for the pain you went through. I suffered subtle trauma as a kid. Some examples were verbal anger from father, lack of a model of a secure relationship since parents hated each other in private, no empathy, and rare sympathy, between all family members. We basically didn't care about each other but put on a facade of a happy family with others. Recently I came across Attachment Theory which describes types of insecure relationships compared to secure ones. Combined with some professio

Have you considered that you might have been the golden child and they weren't?People can cause great harm with the best of intentions. Especially when they are overwhelmed.Children who have been neglected end up having impaired emotional regulation in adulthood. You can view it as genetics, or see it as a lesson of what you could have been had you been born in different shoes.It isn't a satisfying conclusion or story, but it is what it is. What matters is picking up the piece

You should do some research into developmental trauma. I suspect that experience has affected you more than you think.Or maybe there was a lot of other abuse in your upbringing and this was normal to you.

Whew. I'm sorry you had that situation to grow up in, caught up from an early age in maneuvering relative to a parent's insecurities and emotional blindness. I can relate in some ways. I hope the clarity with which you wrote about it now is an expression of having come to some healing and peace!